"More than half of me thinks that clowns should be illegal but I’m 75% water so I’m not exactly sure what that means for clowns."
"Math lesson: If you’re outnumbered in a fight 10-1 and you decimate your opponents you’re still getting your ass kicked by 9 guys."
"Laundromats should be free as a public service."
"By now, my dog must think his name is “OH MY GOD HENRY NOT FOR DOGS STOP CHEWING ON THAT HENRY DROP IT BAD DOG DROP IT HENRY STOP”"
"Despite what Animal Planet will have you believe, hummingbirds are assholes."
"I save all my apples for the day that the doctors try to take me by force."
"I love the smell of rain. Turns out the smell comes from water on the hot pavement. So, I apparently love the smell of hot wet pavement."
"According to my research traffic accidents kill 6 billion people a day in Asia."
"According to my research 25 percent of you are reading this while on the toilet and that’s just an abuse of technology."
"All joking aside son, teabagging is something very special that is shared between two people who love each other very much."
"A spot of bird shit is annoying but if a Pterodactyl shit on your car the pile would cover it completely so thank god for extinction, right?"
"I spent way too much time this morning figuring out the most efficient way to get Cheerios out of a bowl using only the spray nozzle."
"Quite frankly, a booby prize doesn’t sound that bad to me."
"The worst thing you can do is show up to a spatula fight with a wisk."
"After 12 years and 264 days of being around random murders you would think Jessica Fletcher would enjoy more Staycations."
"did you know in china they have no fucking idea what a fortune cookie is? But what they *DO* have is cool sounds when they punch air."
"I can’t think of anything more distracting than sitting next to Sauron in a Do-It-Yourself ring forging class."
"Dear Rudolf, I’m sorry for calling you a sissy. After getting mugged by a gang of reindeer I realized that they really are a bunch of dicks."
"Blind guys win because they get to check girls out by touch."
"I bet SmartCar sales guys have to use fractions when they are describing how many dead hookers will fit in the trunk."
prevnext
icon icon icon icon icon
"I hope my arch nemesis is as lazy as I am."

Links

I find Bitches, Pimps and Midgets inspiring. Also, the people below. Ill let you decide if they fit into any of the three categories above.

    Chris Angel Music
    Bizarre, unreal, handsome and smelly.

    Your Stupid Advice
    A place where there are no stupid questions, only stupid answers.

    OMG cow
    A daily comic and a journal wrapped up together.

    I'm An Idiot Show
    Kathy Landin shows us what's REALLY happening in the news.

    Caprice Crane
    The one woman screen writing, novel engineering, humortologist, English-blacksmithing machine.

    Lori Romano's Keep Writing project
    She's a writer, photographer, wife, mother, dog owner, half-assed housekeeper and a self-proclaimed coffee and chocolate addict.

    B.'s blog
    She breeds glory, shits glitter and eats haters for breakfast.

    My awesome wife's vegan blog.
    Showing the internet that vegans eat more than just raw celery and carrots.

    Brunch for every meal
    She always travels in a coud of pink and white balloons

    Apocalypstick
    No matter how relaxed she is, she still feels awkward

    Theexplicit
    Straight. Honest. Explicit.

    Unlikely Explanations.
    Many attempts at humor and sentence fragments. The attempts at sentence fragments are usually successful.

    The Good Greatsby
    When Paul Johnson was a kid he swore he would never sell out…but nobody ever asked him to. Not even once.

Follow

Get every new post on KPC delivered to your Inbox.

Join 5 other subscribers


iconOr grab the RSS feed: