I wrote a tweet a couple of years ago about Satanism. I have no idea what the original tweet was at this point, but when I looked at the draft a few hours later, I realized that I completely misspelled it as Santaism. Santaism is the practice of altar-worshiping a fat, jolly, gift-bearing, time traveling man-god. I remember cracking up laughing at my own stupid typing mistake. In my rush to get a thought out, I had inadvertently created a far … Read More »
Author Archives: Mr. Chicken
Cats are a bunch of assholes.
After 35 years of being on this planet, I have to admit that I’ve never been able to have a healthy, mature relationship with any cat. It’s not that I don’t want to. I like cats, but at the end of the day they really are a bunch of furry, little assholes.
I tried to make peace with them when I was younger. I figured, we don’t have to be friends…but we also don’t have … Read More »
Posted in Present Day-ish Stuff 3 Comments
Musical instruments and me
Ever since I was a young child, I’ve had a love-hate relationship with musical instruments. I loved them because the sounds they make are beautiful, and therefore, the people who knew how to play them were beautiful too. I hated them because I was never one of those people.
The problem was that I never wanted to GET good at playing an instrument. I just wanted to pick it up and BE good at playing it. … Read More »
Posted in General Stuff 2 Comments
I need some advanced economics advice about birds, bushes and squirrels. Can you help?
Stupid Advice people, I understand that a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. But what should I do if I have two birds in my hand and there’s a squirrel in the bush? Please answer quickly as this is happening to me right now. I typed this on my phone with one hand and I’m very scared of squirrels.
Geoff:
This is a simple question of economics. The value of any … Read More »
Posted in Stupid Advice Tagged birds in bush, bushes, economics, evil, exorcism, fear, furry, great evil, humor, kung fu, random encounter, squirrel, Stupid advice, unusual opinion Leave a comment
Message to my spam box lovers…
Anyone who has a website is going to get spam comments. It’s just part of the deal. We have sophisticated spam blocking software that moves all of those canned, processed messages over to their own little folder. That folder eventually disappears into the internet ether. It’s a closed system.
I guess I do things a little differently than most people. I always check my spam folders because some days there are really awesome comments in there. Yeah, some … Read More »
Posted in Present Day-ish Stuff 1 Comment
Living in the moment, white lies, and a Mexican GPS.
On our way home from the gym, my wife and I had to stop at the grocery store to pick up some food-oriented stuff for her tasty vegan pizza. We brought our basket-o-dinner up to the front to check out and met our cashier, Jose Alvarez.
Jose was apparently our new friend. I base this assumption on the fact that the first thing he said to us was that his uncle, who was a retired … Read More »
Posted in General Stuff, Present Day-ish Stuff Tagged friends, humor, Jose Alvarez, mexican gps, random encounter 2 Comments
True story: Alcohol, underage drivers and insurance fraud don’t mix.
Most good stories involve a girl, alcohol, and/or a series of bad decisions. This one is no different. I’ll call the girl Mauran Langecosi. I met Mauran while working as a life guard at a local pool in the town I grew up in. She was a year younger than me and ridiculously hot, so naturally, I did everything I could to impress her. From throwing myself off the diving board in every which way to doing donuts in the gravel parking … Read More »
Posted in Childhood 2 Comments