"I don’t like raisins because it’s like eating old people"
"WHAT? YOU HAVE A HEADACHE? SORRY, IT’S A LITTLE TOUGH TO HEAR YOU OVER MY RECORD SCRATCHING SESSION TCHSWE-ZEWIE-ZEWEE-UWEE."
"I just saw a double rainbow and, I have to say, it was no where near as exciting as I was led to believe it would be."
"Today I’m going to take the world by partly cloudy sky with scattered showers!"
"Any guy that says he doesn’t believe in hypnosis has never seen a great set of tits."
"All joking aside son, teabagging is something very special that is shared between two people who love each other very much."
"“Baby on board”? If you want people to stop tailgating you I would go with “ninja on board”."
"Few evil instruments of immediate and total tortuous death scare my dogs more than the vacuum."
"After 35 years on this planet one thing I know for sure is that hummingbirds are assholes."
"10 friends went to The Hotel California with a Groupon deal and they checked out but can’t leave due to some paperwork error or something."
"I’ve had so much coffee today I’m bending the space-time continuum."
"You would think old people would want to drive from point A to point B as fast as possible since, you know, imminent death and everything."
"Sometimes when I can’t think of a tweet I just beat the crap out of a kid until it says or does something funny."
"One day I’m going to fulfill my dream of choreographing a flaming chain saw-juggling unicycle brigade of transsexual midgets."
"It changes things up a bit when you realize a four leaf clover is special in the retarded way, not the magical way."
"After a good bowel movement I jump up from the toilet like the “I LOVE WHAT YOU DO FOR ME” Toyota commercials in the 80′s."
"I admire Jay-Z. I have 99 problems and a bitch is directly involved in 78 of them while also being indirectly involved in the other 21."
"By now, my dog must think his name is “OH MY GOD HENRY NOT FOR DOGS STOP CHEWING ON THAT HENRY DROP IT BAD DOG DROP IT HENRY STOP”"
"I was like yeah and she was like OMG and I was like that sucks and she was like lesson learned, don’t go dwarf tossing near a wood chipper."
"If you feel like your world has been turned upside down check to make sure you aren’t in Australia before you freak out."
prevnext
icon icon icon icon icon
"I hope my arch nemesis is as lazy as I am."

Monthly Archives: February 2012

10 things I really dislike (AKA I’m in a bad mood and life is annoying me)

Last night I was out partying like a 35-year-old rock star, and I didn’t get to sleep until very late. I ended up taking a four hour nap this afternoon and, upon waking up, I found myself in a really bad mood. I figured it’s a good time to write about some things I dislike with a passion.

Here they are, in no particular order.

People who use the word ‘hate’.

You might have noticed … Read More »

Posted in Present Day-ish Stuff | 6 Comments

Some stupid advice for someone who doesn’t quite understand procreation

My boyfriend and I do this thing where we dry hump while he’s wearing a condom so it’s an easy clean-up and so we don’t have to worry about the “pre.” I never take my pants off. However, the other day, the condom broke while at climax.. We cleaned it up immediately but I’m still worried I could somehow be pregnant. I am on birth control but I just want to see if anyone has Read More »

Posted in General Stuff, Stupid Advice | 1 Comment

Confessions of a recovering star addict

I’m not ashamed to admit it: there was a time when I would star every tweet in my stream that wasn’t a link or an @reply in order to get reciprocal stars. Sometimes…hell, even most of the time, I wouldn’t even read the tweet. Yeah, I had a list of people that I actually thought were funny and I read all of their stuff, but there were a lot of people that I starred and followed simply … Read More »

Posted in Present Day-ish Stuff | 18 Comments

Three unusual reasons I support gay marriage

I believe people in love should be able to marry each other. With California’s Prop 8 recently ruled to be unconstitutional, we are one step closer to making this happen. Anyone that feels that this right is unacceptable should be deported to a place where the majority of the people agree with them, like Saudi Arabia or Afghanistan. There they can use their oppressive powers in whatever way they can get away with. If they happen to be a … Read More »

Posted in General Stuff, Present Day-ish Stuff | Tagged , , , , | 4 Comments

Find the angle between vector A and B, answer in unit of degrees?

Find the angle between vector A and B, answer in unit of degrees?
The vectors are A=-3i+3j and B=5i+2j. Crossed together the equal 21 so I used ABsin(theta)=AxB. But I don’t get the right answer from what my homework is telling me? And help would be appreciated and quick its due in the morning!! Thanks in Advance!

Geoff:

The question you should be asking yourself is: Why do I give a shit? Unless you plan … Read More »

Posted in General Stuff | Leave a comment

The time that I actually wanted to be a woman.

Women have a difficult existence, and I respect them deeply for the things that they have to put up with on a daily basis. From issues like pregnancy, wild hormone swings, and periods all the way through shaved legs, looking cute/hot/mature, and not wearing the same dress as “that bitch” to the party, women have a lot to think about. Every morning when I wake up, I thank the universe that I was born with a penis.… Read More »

Posted in Present Day-ish Stuff | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

How do I show my boyfriend my tattoo?

It’s a tattoo of his name and I have it on my hip bone. My pants cover it though, and I never thought about how I’d show it to him. I mean, I’d be embarrassed to take my pants off..

Geoff:

Wow, is this ever a good question. Who hasn’t struggled with the old “I tattooed my boyfriend’s name to my hip without him knowing it and I’m not even comfortable enough to take my … Read More »

Posted in Stupid Advice | Tagged , , , , , | 2 Comments

Four things that go to sh*t after you tell her you love her.

This is a follow up article to my last post about four things that change after you have sex with him for the first time, which can be read here.

As I have stated before, I have not dated in a long, long time. It’s been over 10 years and I have no regrets about the choices I’ve made. Even though I’ve been out of the game, I know enough people that are in … Read More »

Posted in Present Day-ish Stuff | 1 Comment
Follow

Get every new post on KPC delivered to your Inbox.

Join 5 other subscribers


iconOr grab the RSS feed: